First Impressions
by mosaicpuzzler
Summary: Despite everything, they really did care for their sister. Shikamaru would just have to learn the hard way. Meet the Sand Siblings, Shikamaru Nara! A ShikaTem story! NOW COMPLETE! :D
1. Getting Off On the Wrong Foot

**First Impressions**

**By: happiness101**

**Disclaimer:** Crazy as it is, I don't own _Naruto_. I know, it's outrageous, isn't it? We should all have a little slice of our own! Sadly, this is not pie we're talking about.

Me: What? Pie?? WHERE??

Me: I was speaking metaphorically.

Me: Oh… T-T

Yes, I talk to myself. I'M WEIRD, OKAY?

* * *

"Don't worry so much, man! It'll be no problem!" Choji reassured, patting his best friend on the back.

"I know that!" Shikamaru snapped back. To tell the truth, his stomach was in knots just thinking about what he was going to do.

"Then stop sweating bullets!"

He wiped away the sweat that had formed on his brow. He _was_ sweating bullets. "I don't know why I'm doing this, Choji."

"Can't turn back now, there she is!" Choji pointed at the blonde kunoichi a few feet away, talking to his other teammate, Ino.

"This was a bad idea. Let's just run now, before—"

"SHIKAMARU, CHOJI!"

Shikamaru groaned. _I've been spotted…_

"Come and join us!" Ino excitedly waved them down, "We were just talking about you!"

"Hey Ino; Temari," Choji greeted. Shikamaru reluctantly trudged behind him. He grunted, unable to think of anything else.

"Have you forgotten how to speak correctly?" Temari taunted.

"Actually, he has something to ask you, right Shikamaru?" Choji gently nudged Shikamaru in the ribs.

"Really?" Temari crossed her legs, her eyes flashing mischievously.

"Well—" Shikamaru started.

Ino, immediately getting what was happening, shoved her reproachful teammate forward. "Come on, don't be shy!"

He fell forward, landing on the other half of the bench. In the process, his hand settled on Temari's bare leg. He quickly drew his hand back, his face turning red. He turned to scold Ino, but both his teammates had already disappeared.

"Can I help you?" Temari drawled.

Shikamaru opened his mouth to speak, willing that something cool and witty would come out. "Um… yeah." _Smooth,_ he thought.

Temari smirked. "And what might I do for you?"

"You could accompany me to dinner sometime." He suggested, not really thinking about it.

The sand shinobi was a little taken aback by this sudden request. "Are you asking me out?"

"Um… yes…?"

"Aren't you sure?" Temari asked incredulously.

Shikamaru ignored her question. "Well, how about it?"

Temari seemed at a loss for words, but then the smirk returned to her face. "Hmph, alright then. But it has to be at _my_ home village."

"Why does it have to be your village?" Shikamaru complained.

"Because it would be an honor," she grabbed his ear and tugged, "boyfriend o' mine!" She released him, and Shikamaru rubbed his throbbing ear. "Meet me at the Kazekage Tower next Tuesday. I'm leaving tomorrow, but you can't come with me." She paused, thinking about what else he needed to know. "…Make sure you wear something nice, preferably a tuxedo… but it has to be black, not one of those ghastly colored ones! Got all that?"

"Kazekage Tower, Tuesday, tuxedo—"

"A BLACK tuxedo!" Temari corrected.

"A _BLACK_ TUXEDO!" Shikamaru parroted.

"Good! See you then! Or else…" Temari let the sentence dangle as she walked away, leaving Shikamaru to dream up the horrible consequences of not living up to his new girlfriend's expectations.

* * *

That Tuesday, Shikamaru arrived at the Kazekage Tower in a black suit, exactly as instructed. In fact, he had double-checked that the suit was black and not some really dark navy blue color. He walked up to the huge double doors, hesitating before raising his fist to knock on the door. His knuckles never met the wood though, because someone from the inside abruptly opened it.

"Oh!" Shikamaru stepped back in surprise. He was face-to-face with a boy that had dark rings around his eyes, which seemed to pierce right through him. "Sorry about that…"

The figure in the doorway looked him up and down. "_You're _Temari's date?"

"Uh… yep, that's me!" Shikamaru shifted uncomfortably. "My name's Shikamaru. And you are…?"

"Gaara of the Sand." Gaara explained. He stepped to the side, allowing Shikamaru entrance. Shikamaru considered just turning and running, but he knew things far worse would happen to him if he did that. So with great reluctance, he followed Gaara to the main room and took a seat. He removed his coat and stared at his surroundings, not wanting to meet eye-to-eye with Gaara. The walls were mainly bare, except for a few paintings and shelves of books here and there. Realizing there was nothing to stare at, Shikamaru risked a glance at Gaara. He didn't seem to have moved an inch.

_Doesn't this guy even blink?_

"Who's he, Gaara?" Shikamaru jumped at another voice.

"Temari's new boyfriend." Gaara said stonily to the person who had suddenly appeared next to Shikamaru.

"Yeah, I'm Shikamaru…" Shikamaru was starting to get really creeped out. He would've never agreed to this if he had known that _this_ was going to happen.

"Kankuro." Kankuro came around to the front of the couch, to get a better look at Shikamaru. He scrutinized him in a similar way to Gaara, and then frowned. "You're not _that _good-looking…"

Before Shikamaru could object, Temari suddenly bustled down the hall. "Oh, you're here already? I didn't expect you so early! Oh no, I still haven't even picked out my dress!"

"You don't have to dress up at all. It's not like I care, or anything." Shikamaru reassured.

"No way! I made you get in a tuxedo for a reason, you know!"

"Don't worry Temari, we can keep him busy for a few minutes, right Gaara?" Kankuro looked at his brother with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Yes… we can… get to know each other…" Gaara agreed, turning his gaze back to Shikamaru. He was starting to sweat bullets again…

"Thanks guys!" Temari ran back down the hall.

Once Kankuro and Gaara were sure she was out of earshot, they faced Shikamaru with a clearly ulterior motive than just 'getting to know each other'.

_Oh snap,_ Shikamaru thought.

"So, let's get down to business, shall we?" Kankuro started. "As you've probably figured out by now, we're Temari's brothers, and of course we care deeply for our sister's well-being." Shikamaru nodded his head warily, not really seeing where Kankuro was taking this. "So—"

"Kankuro, you talk too much." Gaara cut in, scaring Shikamaru a little. "Are you aware of the number of people Temari has successfully dated?"

Knowing the brutal nature of Temari, Shikamaru took a wild guess. "I'd say not many; maybe two?"

"…Yes, actually. How did you know that?"

"Lucky guess."

"…Right." Gaara murmured, clearly not believing him. "Anyway, let's just say Temari's date didn't go so well, and they… disappeared.

"Disappeared? Like how?"

Gaara and Kankuro just chuckled darkly. Shikamaru decided not to pursue the subject.

"Um… _okay_… So, what happened to the unsuccessful ones?" He wondered, instantly regretting it.

"You want to know _why_ Temari has so many failures in dating?" Kankuro smirked. "…It's because of _us_."

"Y-You?"

"We take it as our responsibility to weed out the weak ones first. Saves our sister the trouble, right?" Kankuro explained casually.

Shikamaru winced, wanting to avoid the question that hung in the air like bad air freshener. He glanced at Gaara, who had gone back to glaring at him. "So… what do you think of me?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Have you ever been in jail?" Kankuro asked, leaning towards him.

"I—!"

"Stolen something more valuable than usual?" Gaara interjected.

"No—"

"Dropped your pants in public?"

"Tried smoking?"

"Killed someone?"

"Killed someone for personal enjoyment?"

"Um—" Shikamaru tried to butt in, but the brothers were on a roll.

"What's your favorite color?"

"It's not green, is it?"

"It better not be!"

"Do you have a dog?"

"Cat?"

"Goldfish?"

"Chinchilla?"

"_Anything?_"

"What's your favorite food?"

"Do you like seafood?"

"How about Thai?"

"Ever dated someone?"

"Kissed a girl unrelated to you?"

"Kissed _a boy_ unrelated to you?"

"WHOA, WHOA! Hold up there! I am _not_ like that!" Shikamaru stood up indignantly. He saw the two grin in success, and knew that he had to stay cool to win this game. He sighed, and tried to remember what they had asked:

"Okay, let's see… No, no, no, once because of a dare, no, and no but I've been tempted. I won't say green, so red will do. I have a cat, and my favorite food is mackerel, meaning that I _do_ like seafood. I have no idea what Thai food is. I've never dated or kissed anyone unrelated. Happy now?"

"Hmph. Impressive…" Gaara and Kankuro stepped back, giving Shikamaru space to sit back down.

"But that doesn't mean we like you." Gaara pointed out.

"So you should be worried."

"_Very_ worried."

"Terrified." Shikamaru retorted. Kankuro and Gaara leered at him, but didn't move from their spots.

At that moment, Temari came down the hallway and saw Shikamaru and her brothers having what seemed like a very intense staring contest.

"Everything okay, guys?" Temari asked warily.

"Everything's great, right Shikamaru?" Kankuro winked significantly at Shikamaru.

"_Right_, Kankuro!" He winked back, just as extravagantly as Kankuro. To his pleasure, this seemed to set the Sand ninja off a bit.

Temari arched an eyebrow, but didn't press on it. "Well, glad to hear it. Ready to go, Shikamaru?"

"Definitely." He jumped from the couch, running to Temari's side.

"Glad to see you so excited!" Temari looped her arm through Shikamaru's and smiled the same smile she gave him after killing Tayuya. "You are now officially under my control!"

_What have I gotten myself into?_

"You forgot your coat." Shikamaru jumped at Gaara's voice, putting a small sneer on his face. He took his jacket from Gaara's out-stretched hand. He let out a mumbled thanks. _How do they _do_ that?_

"See you guys later!" Temari pulled Shikamaru through the doorway, exposing him to the darkening sky. Shikamaru breathed in deeply, welcoming a change of scenery. He put his hand in his pocket, and frowned. _I don't remember having a piece of paper in here…_ When Temari turned to remind her brothers to make their own dinner, he drew it out, and read the smeared scrawl on the paper:

_Look to your left._

"My left…?" Shikamaru peered in the direction the note indicated, and made out what seemed to be a small flame and a cat's ears on top of a wall. He paled, and read the last line of the memo:

_We'll be watching you…_

"Are you okay?" Temari asked, concern on her face. "What's that you're reading?"

"Um…!" Shikamaru's head snapped up, crumpling the paper up and stuffing it in his pocket. "A receipt for the tuxedo!" He smiled weakly. "I'm fine."

Temari rolled her eyes, exhaling deeply. "Can't you even afford to rent a simple tuxedo?"

"N-No, it's not that! I'm fine, really! Let's go!" Shikamaru raked over the wall again. The flame and cat ears were still there, if not moving slightly.

"…Right." Temari led the way, still a bit concerned. Shikamaru quickly followed, stealing another glance at the wall.

_This is going to be a _really _long night…_

* * *

**Tada! Okay, so this turned out worse yet better than expected. I didn't write about the date itself, because it seemed like overkill. BUT… my brother says that I **_**should**_** continue. So if you share his opinion, please say so in the reviews! If I get enough, then I'll try my best to make a good follow-up! **

**So, review if you can, but overall I hope you enjoyed reading something shorter for once!**


	2. More Ninja Join the Fun!

**

* * *

**

First Impressions: Chapter 2

By: happiness101

**Disclaimer:** Again? Well, okay. I don't own _Naruto_.

…**And I guess I owe some credit to my brother, for giving me the idea to continue this. And of course, I must thank you all for reviewing! I never knew people liked my stories so much… so, true to my word, I am finishing this story!**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

After walking through the Sand Village for what seemed like hours to Shikamaru, he was finally starting to forget about his girlfriend's stalker brothers and became more focused on how much hotter it was here than the Leaf Village.

"Geez, how do you live with this heat?" Shikamaru whined, shifting uncomfortably in his sticky clothing.

"Don't be such a wimp. And it's a hundred times hotter in the daytime, so get used to it now!" Temari didn't seem to be sweating one bit. _I guess you get used to it…_ Shikamaru thought. "Anyway, we're almost at the restaurant I was talking about."

"Finally! The first thing I'm going to do is order a tall glass of water!"

The two approached a tall building that seemed to be fashioned like a giant sand castle. Shikamaru glanced at the sign above the doorway.

"The 'Sand Castle'? How very original…" he mumbled. He curiously rubbed his fingers against the compact walls, and realized it was completely made of sand. His eyes widened. "Wow, that's amazing! It really _is_ a giant sand castle!"

"Huh…?" Temari frowned, "That's not exactly as I remembered it…" She seemed troubled, but quickly recovered. "Well, let's go in. I'm starving!"

* * *

"Where are those ninja we hired?" Kankuro asked impatiently. Gaara was too focused to reply, but mentally noted that it was only 5:29, when they asked for the Leaf ninja to arrive at 5:30.

As if to answer Kankuro's question, three ninja popped up in front of the brothers.

"Greetings! We are the three youthful shinobi assigned to this youthful mission!"

"BELIEVE IT!!!"

"Don't be so loud. The quiet cricket is never the first to be eaten."

"…"

* * *

When Shikamaru and Temari walked into the restaurant, they were surprised to find that they were the only ones occupying the building (or it seemed like that, anyway.) The walls were bare, and there were only seven wooden tables in the sparse room. There was another opening that was covered with a green cloth across from them that appeared to lead to the kitchen, but other than that, it was the only color in the room.

"You made me get in a tuxedo for _this_?" Shikamaru asked skeptically.

"Don't question my authority!" The abruptness of Temari's answer told Shikamaru that she was none too happy about the arrangements either. She contemplated for a moment, and then sighed. "Well, this is definitely _not_ the way I remembered it," she shrugged, "so I guess we should go somewhere else." Despite her words, she walked further in.

"Um, Temari? Aren't we leaving?"

"Yeah, but I need to find a bathroom first. So stay here and _don't_ sit down, okay?" With that, she walked towards a doorway that seemed to be the bathroom. _Was that always right there…?_ Shikamaru thought, who could've sworn the only doorway there was the front and the kitchen. He shrugged, _Well, weirder things have happened._

"Hello sir, you may take a seat anywhere you like."

Shikamaru jumped at the voice and turned to find a person behind the once empty pedestal. _In fact, was that thing even there at all?_ Shikamaru shook that thought out of his head, and examined the strange character. You couldn't tell his age very well, because he wore round, dark sunglasses that covered his most identifying features and his voice was not too deep, but nowhere near high. He wore a black tuxedo like Shikamaru, and since he was behind a pedestal, he couldn't tell if the mysterious person was that tall or standing on a box.

"…Well, are you going to move or stare at me all day?"

"For your information, we're not eating here. My friend was just taking a bathroom break." Shikamaru replied.

"Oh? But why would enter a restaurant and not sample its wares?" The mysterious boy (or man?) countered. Before Shikamaru could reply, he continued. "Take a seat, please."

"Listen! We're not eating here, okay?" Shikamaru turned his back to the intimidating man (or boy?)

"_Sit in a chair and eat._" Shikamaru's hairs on the back of his neck pricked up. The chilling voice made him turn, only to find that he was face-to-face with the boy (who was now only a bit taller than Shikamaru). He gulped.

The boy abruptly turned from Shikamaru, and walked toward one of the tables. "This way, please."

Shikamaru was a little afraid of what might happen if he refused, so he followed nervously. "By the way, what's your name?" He was starting to get the strangest feeling that he'd met the person somewhere before.

"That is of no concern to you."

"Well, if you're going to be my waiter, or whatever, how am I supposed to call you?"

"Yelling 'waiter' will do nicely. And may I point out that you just agreed to eat here."

Shikamaru opened his mouth to protest, but realized that he'd been caught. He slumped into the chair by the table 'Waiter' had led him to, and continued to interrogate him. "Hey… haven't I seen you from somewhere?"

"I do not believe so, sir." Waiter answered with no emotion.

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"I'm always sure."

Shikamaru frowned, and tried to remember why the boy looked so familiar. "Aren't you from—?"

"Care to see the menu?" Waiter shoved a small brochure at Shikamaru's nose, cutting him off.

Shikamaru took it, and browsed through it. If anything, there were quite a variety of foods. "Wow… you guys have escargot? Where in the world did you get French snails?" He looked up, but Waiter was gone. _Maybe the thought of eating snails scared him away._ Then, Shikamaru realized who the waiter was. He banged the table with his fist. "Shino! _That's_ who it was!"

"Who was what? And _why_ are you sitting down when I specifically told you not to?" Shikamaru turned to see Temari standing over him.

"Uh… I can explain!"

"Then start explaining!"

* * *

"I'm quitting this mission."

"_What?_ You can't quit now, Shino!"

"Why do you have snail on the menu?"

"Huh? Snails?"

Shino rolled his eyes behind his glasses. "Yes! Escargot!"

"ESCAROGOT IS SNAILS?? That's disgusting!"

"My point exactly. You're on waiter-duty now." Shino shoved the tuxedo into the ninja's hands, and disappeared in a puff of smoke, murmuring "bug killers" under his breath. The ninja stared at the clothes blankly, and then turned to the other ninja behind him.

"What do I do now?"

"Put it on, of course!"

"Are you completely crazy? Shikamaru will be able to recognize me right away, believe it!"

"Hmm… that is true… very well, _I_ shall become the waiter! Please pass over Shino's clothing!"

* * *

"Shino?" Temari looked at Shikamaru skeptically.

"Yes! He's here, in the Sand Village!"

"…Are you sure?" Temari asked.

"I'll show you! WAITER!" Shikamaru looked around for the mysterious waiter, but he was nowhere to be found. Suddenly, a different person jumped out in front of them.

"Hello, my youthful friends! How do you find yourself on this youthful day?" The new waiter smiled brightly.

"…"

"…Hate to break it to you, but that is _not_ Shino." Temari pointed out.

"B-But I—he—huh? Just what kind of game are you playing??" Shikamaru accused.

"Playing a game? We are playing a game?? I want to play!" The waiter jumped up and down.

"Anyway…" Temari looked warily at Shikamaru, who just slammed his head on the table, "…what _is_ your name?"

"I am Ro—I mean, Mr.…Youthful…Waiter…Man! Yeah, that is my name!" Mr. Youthful Waiter Man saluted the two, who were staring at him in exasperation.

"Okay… Mr. Youthful Waiter Man, we're ready to order." Temari explained.

"What??? You're seriously going to eat here? That's so obviously Rock Lee in a tuxedo!"

"I am not Rock Lee! I am Mr. Youthful Waiter…um…Man! Right!" A bead of sweat ran down Mr. Youthful Waiter Man's forehead.

"Just order, Shikamaru. I'm hungry." Temari picked up the very unprofessional-looking menu and started to leaf through it.

"But…!" Shikamaru protested, but gave up when she saw Temari immersed in the menu. He sighed, and turned to Mr. Youthful Waiter Man. "I'll have the mackerel, thanks. And by the way: this whole thing doesn't fool me one bit."

"Mackerel…" The waiter murmured to himself, completely oblivious of Shikamaru's revelation.

"I'll have the kenchin soup." Temari added.

"Got it! Your order will come shortly, Shikamaru and Temari!" With one last grin, he disappeared into the kitchen. Shikamaru banged his head on the table once more. _I don't think this could get much worse…_

* * *

Lee entered the kitchen, and walked toward the blonde ninja who was currently wearing a chef's hat. "Naru—" Suddenly, he was tackled by two more unknown ninja.

"Huh? Lee?" The boisterous ninja turned; sure he had heard his name. Seeing no one, he shrugged and turned back to his pot of ramen and continued stirring.

* * *

_Meanwhile, behind the freezer…_

"Wha…? What are you guys—?" Lee abruptly stopped, having been knocked out cold.

"…Well, what now?" The figure asked the other, still wielding the giant meat stick.

"Why are you asking me?? This was _your_ idea!"

"Fine! Help me get this tuxedo off him!" Their accomplice stared. "He wears his spandex under _everything_! Come on, everyone knows that…"

"Well, okay… just promise me I get that giant meat stick in the end!"

* * *

**Okay, another chapter done! I actually was going to end it here, but then I got lazy, and didn't want to think of an ending, so I made it longer! Makes sense, right? (No, not really.) **_**Anyway…**_** I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll try to finish this up soon! Read and review! **

**By the way, you should've figured out the last ninja's name by now. The two last ones I can excuse confusion on. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Ramen Fixes Everything!

**Chapter 3: Ramen Fixes Everything Until You Get Bored**

**By: happiness101**

**Disclaimer:** Again, I do not own anything _Naruto_. If I did, Team Guy would've helped Naruto defeat Pein and Tenten would _finally _get her character origin flashback! Having no surname is more mysterious than having one! (If that didn't make sense, you probably aren't up to date in the manga… or I'm just completely unclear. Either way, you have the option of ignoring everything after the statement "I do not own anything _Naruto_.")

**Thank God! I've finally gotten rid of that cursed writer's block! I think it has something to do with my new, shiny laptop. Take that, you evil little nuisance! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE SHININESS! So anyway, here's another chapter. I've tried being as vague as possible with the invading ninja, so try not to hate me. Everything will make sense eventually. **

**I'd also like to thank everyone who encouraged me to continue this story. It's because of you I didn't give in to the evil writer's block! This is mainly a chapter to pull everything together, but it's a start!**

* * *

"Ugh! These clothes are too big! Plus me wearing clothes under them makes me look bulgy!" The ninja threw Lee's tuxedo aside angrily. "What do we do now?"

Their accomplice didn't reply, being too busy munching on a meat stick.

"You're hopeless!" They pouted, disgusted.

"Why don't you just use a transformation jutsu?"

"…_What_?" The leader asked, eyes widening.

"I said: Why don't you use a transformation jutsu? You are a ninja, aren't you?" The figure repeated.

His partner scowled, but performed the required hand signs. "If anyone asks, this was all my idea, got it?"

* * *

"Geez, what is going on in there? It's killing me!" Kankuro shifted his legs out from under him. "We haven't gotten a report from Lee yet!"

"Just be patient, Kankuro—…! What's this…?"

"What is it, Gaara?"

"Someone… just left… and two more arrived…"

"Do you think it's a threat?" Kankuro wondered.

"I can't know for sure." Gaara pondered a bit on if he should go in or not. "…I think we should wait it out."

"Wait it out??"

"Yes. If they meant harm, then they'd be outmatched anyway. And if they thought to stop by the restaurant, they should be turned away by Shino Aburame." Gaara explained.

"Yeah, well… I'm just going to go check…" Kankuro said, wanting to find out what was happening.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Gaara asked, not convinced that this was true.

"Relax! I'll make sure to stay out of sight." Kankuro stood up. His brother looked at him, but opened a hole in the wall to let him in. "Thanks." With that, Kankuro stepped into the kitchen.

The first thing he noticed was that Lee was not cooking, like they had planned. Instead, Naruto wore the ridiculously puffy chef hat, leaning over a giant pot of what smelled like ramen.

"Naruto!" Kankuro exclaimed, making the orange ninja jump, "Why the heck are you cooking?"

"Well…" Naruto turned abruptly, splashing ramen into Kankuro's face. Naruto didn't seem to notice and continued. "Shino left, because of snails or something like that, so Bushy Brows had to fill in as waiter, so I had to fill in as chef."

"…I see." Kankuro wiped the soup of his face. "Where's Lee then?"

"Oh! That's… um… well… I don't know." Naruto looked around. "Huh… where is Bushy Brows…?"

"You've lost _both_ of your teammates?"

"Yes… well… aha ha… it seems I have… but I made ramen, believe it!" Naruto exclaimed, as if ramen fixed everything.

"And how does that have anything to do with anything?" Kankuro exclaimed, exasperated.

"Ramen fixes everything, believe it!"

"…"

"…" _Did I really just say that?_

"…Well, did Shikamaru and Temari want ramen?" Kankuro asked, not wanting to get too mad and blow their cover.

"Well, I just figured they did, since Bushy Brows never really gave me their orders."

"_Why_ would they want ramen??"

"Why _wouldn't_ they want ramen??"

"…"

"…"

_…That's it, this kid is _so _dead. _Before Kankuro could carry out his intentions, someone interrupted him.

"Hey guys! How have you been doing?" Lee walked towards the two, seeming to come out of nowhere.

"Bushy Brows, there you are!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Where have you been?" Kankuro asked sharply.

"Uh… the bathroom…?"

"We don't have a bathroom." Kankuro pointed out, who was starting to get suspicious.

"Uh, yeah… yeah, yeah, of course! Um, that's what took me so long… you know… finding one."

"So… where'd you end up going?" Naruto wondered.

"None of your business, Naruto!" Lee snapped back.

"S-Sorry, Bushy Brows, I didn't mean to offend you." Naruto mumbled, surprised by Lee's harsh words.

"No, I'm sorry for snapping at you… that was, um, _unyouthful_ of me." Lee shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah, that's more like the Bushy Brows I know, believe it!" A large grin broke out on Naruto's face, and Lee sighed with relief.

"Look, I hate to break up the love fest, but we need to get food to Temari and her date. Lee, serve the ramen to them. It's probably not what they ordered, but we have to work with something." Kankuro handed him two bowls of ramen and Lee took off. "Naruto! I need you to—"

"YES?? What do I get to do??"

"…On second thought, just stay here and don't do anything stupid." With that, Kankuro left to investigate the two who had come into the building.

"Aw… but I'm _so_ bored…"

* * *

**So, there you have it. I know it's not very eventful, but again, I'm just setting the stage for the next few events. I'm hopefully going to be putting out the next chapter pretty fast, since I basically know what's going to happen next. Sorry about not having Shikamaru or Temari in this chapter… rest assured I haven't forgotten who the main characters are!**


	4. Dinner Is Served!

**Chapter 4: Dinner Is Served~!**

**By: happiness101**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Naruto,_ for the fourth time. …Um, and I have nothing clever to say afterward.

**Hey guys, guess what? I haven't died! Yeah, I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I know I said I'd update soon in the last chapter, but then they sprung a last-minute project on me, and I was busy… yet again. And then once I had free time, I couldn't figure out what I wanted to happen next, and yeah. I planned out what is going to happen in my handy-dandy notebook, so it should go faster… you know, hopefully. That page is the sloppiest thing in the world, so it'll take me some time navigating through it. I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!............**

**Anyway, enjoy~!**

* * *

…_What's going on in there…? Kankuro has been in there for a few minutes now…_ Gaara thought to himself. …_But I can't leave my spot…_ He looked around, trying to think of how to find out what was happening in there. Suddenly, he had an epiphany.

_Of course! _That _jutsu!_ He mentally slapped himself for not thinking of it earlier. He made a few hand signs and murmured, "Daisan no Me! The Third Eye!" He lightly placed his hand on his left eye, and an eyeball made of sand condensed on his other. It quickly dissolved, and melted into the walls of the restaurant. After maneuvering through the dividers, the eye reached a spot where it could easily spot Temari and Shikamaru. Unfortunately, they didn't seem to be doing anything interesting yet.

"…And he totally flipped out!" Shikamaru finished.

"What happened to Choji?" Temari wondered, giggling slightly.

"He ran like his life depended on it… and it sort of did, if you think about it." Temari and Shikamaru laughed in unison.

Once they had both cooled down, Temari sighed. "Wow… it's been nearly an hour already…"

"I know. Didn't we order food thirty minutes ago?" Shikamaru heard his stomach grumble in agreement.

"Yeah. But… I'm more surprised that tonight has gone so well this far… Honestly, I'm quite shocked! Usually my date leaves by now…"

"Huh? Why would they do that?" He asked, though already knowing the answer.

"I don't know… it's probably… because of me." Temari cast her eyes downward.

"What?? Because of you? I seriously doubt that. I don't know how anyone could be rude enough to get up and leave you," Shikamaru protested. After realizing how much he said and the blush on his company's cheeks, he quickly added, "I mean, I'd imagine you'd tie them to the seat, or something insanely controlling like that."

Shocked at the sudden detour of the conversation, Temari's blush continued to spread across her face. "I-I wouldn't do something as inconsiderate as that! You're the one who claims that he knows people in the Leaf Village that are waiters in the Sand!"

"That's true and you know it!" He snapped back. Temari just chuckled in response. He relaxed, and joined in with the lighthearted (if not somewhat random) laughter.

Suddenly, Temari stopped and peered at Shikamaru as though she was trying to look through his head. "Um… Temari…? Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah! It's just that—"

"Hey guys!!" Lee exclaimed, startling the couple. "Sorry for the wait, but I have your food, nice and fresh!!" Without any hesitation, he threw two bowls of steaming hot ramen onto the table.

Shikamaru and Temari stared at the food for a second, and then looked up at the waiter expectantly. "W-What are you staring at?" Lee inquired.

"Are you kidding?" Temari asked, exasperated.

"You know this isn't what we ordered, right?" Shikamaru clarified.

"…Er, I'm sorry… but our supply of food has been greatly depleted. But since you guys are such great customers, I'll see what I can do." Flipping through his notebook, he dashed back to the kitchen.

"Great customers…?"

"We're probably the only customers that have stayed longer than fifteen minutes—"

"I'm back!!" The green-clad figure skidded to a halt right before colliding with the table. "And I'm here to fix your meals! Let's see… You had the mackerel…" Lee dropped a raw fish in Shikamaru's soup, splattering soup everywhere, "…And you had the kenchin soup." He then dropped a huge eggplant in Temari's soup, splattering even more soup. "I hope you enjoy your meal!!"

Shikamaru stared at his food in disbelief. He looked up, and was even more aghast to see Temari biting a chunk out of the eggplant.

"Gah!! Temari, what are you doing??"

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm eating eggplant!"

"But that's bad for your digestive system!!"

"Oh." Temari put the large vegetable down. "That's okay; it was pretty terrible anyway." She then turned to her ramen and started gulping it down. When she saw that Shikamaru wasn't touching his food, she demanded that he eat. He gingerly removed the raw fish (that wasn't even a mackerel) and started eating.

* * *

While Temari and Shikamaru were enjoying their meal, Kankuro was in the kitchen, investigating the mysterious ninja that had invaded the building. He was nervous about leaving Naruto to his own destructive devices, but figured that the other ninja were a bigger threat. _We'll just have to hope that Naruto obeys orders for once…_ Realizing Naruto almost never obeys his orders, Kankuro's worry increased.

Suddenly, he heard a thump by the freezer on the other side of the room. He turned, and walked warily toward the noise. He then saw a lump behind the freezer. _I got you now…_ Kankuro poised to attack, and slowly crept towards the figure. He got closer and closer, until finally…

"GOTCHA!!" Kankuro jumped on the figure, getting them into a position they couldn't maneuver out of. "So tell me—who are you and what do you want??"

When he got no reply, he realized he was actually strangling a huge slab of steak. He sweatdropped, and let go of the piece of meat. He glanced around. _I hope Gaara didn't see that… I don't want to think of the lecture I'll get if he did._ He then nonchalantly walked away, as if nothing happened.

* * *

When Kankuro's footsteps started to fade away, the ninja (who had previously been known as a steak) released their jutsu and let out a relieved sigh. _Thank God I'm in a kitchen, _they thought, _steak is one of the only things I can transform into! But… _they glanced over at the cabinet, which was the source of the earlier noise. _I just hope that Lee is still out for the count…_

* * *

……**.I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! *Breathes* Whew, that should do it. You know, until the next time I have to apologize. And I'm sorry (again) about this chapter. I'm terrible at one-on-one dialogue. It always sounds so awkward!!!!**

**But really, I hope you enjoyed this and more to come~!**


	5. Gaara Takes Action!

**Chapter 5: Gaara Takes Action!**

**By: happiness101**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Naruto._ But if I'm not mistaken, I own the plot of this story. Um, I think so, anyway…

**Hi~! See, I told you the next chapter would be out sooner! It's funny, because this would have been out a lot sooner… if it weren't for _D. Gray-Man_. It's an awesome manga. I would be writing this story, and then think, **_**I wonder what happens to Lavi… I **_**need**_** to find out. NOW. **_**…I'm somewhat of a Lavi otaku now.**

**Well, I'll stop wasting your time now. Um, enjoy~ (and there's chaos to come soon!)**

* * *

Temari put her empty bowl down on the table and sighed in contentment. "The eggplant was terrible, but the ramen wasn't bad!"

Shikamaru, who hadn't eaten half of his bowl yet, stared at Temari in awe. "How did you eat so fast? I thought the girls were supposed to be the dainty ones…"

"Ugh! You're so sexist!" Temari crossed her arms indignantly.

"But seriously; all I'm saying is you can't mercilessly beat the crud out of a guy one day and claim you're ladylike the next! It just doesn't work that way." Shikamaru ate another mouthful of noodles.

"Hey! I'll have you know that I am both a fearless kunoichi and a lady full of class!"

Temari then belched loudly and abruptly.

There was a very loud silence that consisted of Shikamaru trying not to burst into maniacal laughter and Temari attempting not to strangle him.

"…Yeah. That was totally classy—"

"SHUT UP."

"I told you! It's because of that eggplant you ate!" Shikamaru explained.

"I said, _shut up_!" Temari turned a deep shade of red as she stifled another burp. Shikamaru started to crack up, and in the process, shot noodles out of his nose.

There was another heavy silence.

"BWAHAHAHAHA!!" Temari erupted into laughter. "…You… you're lecturing me about being classy???"

"That's not funny… it hurts to shoot things out your nose!! What a drag…!" Shikamaru grumbled. He blew his nose into a napkin. Once he finished, he glared at Temari, who was still laughing as hard as she was from the beginning. "Okay, okay! If I admit that you have more class than I do, will you stop your evil cackling??"

"Heh, fine. But it wasn't evil." Her laughter abruptly stopped. "…But you're right. A lot of people are afraid of me because of my abrasive nature… I guess it's only natural."

"Hey, that's just what happens, right? You're going to eventually come across people who don't like you." Shikamaru pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess so. But… I wonder sometimes… maybe it would be better if I were like other kunoichi…? Being the perfect balance of a lady and ninja…?"

"…No, I don't think that's necessary," Shikamaru took a deep breath, and smiled. "I think you're great just the way you—"

Before Shikamaru could finish his heartfelt statement, Temari unexpectedly threw a kunai that just barely grazed his ear. It struck the wall behind him.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?? You could've killed me, you troublesome woman! Was it something I said??"

"No… I thought I saw something on the wall, but it was probably just a fly, or something like that. Now, as you were saying?"

_A… A fly? She'd throw a kunai at a stupid fly??_ He let out an exasperated breath, but repeated his statement. "I think you're great just the way you are; even if you do randomly throw pointy objects at people."

Temari blushed for the third time that night. "Um… thanks, I guess. And I guess you aren't that bad, either."

"Wow. Was that supposed to be a compliment? Well, thanks then." He smirked. "Really… surely, you can do better than that?"

"Don't push it."

* * *

"Ugh! Temari, I'll get you for this later!" Gaara held his left eye, which was throbbing painfully. "At least it seems that she doesn't know I'm here…" He removed his hand from his face, hoping that it didn't cause a bruise to form on his eye. He stared down at his palm in thought. _…But… it seemed like Temari was having a good time. Does she really have such feelings for Shikamaru Nara…? _He clenched his fist. _Regardless… I can't let this… relationship… continue any further than this!!_ He slipped through the wall of sand, and entered the kitchen.

"Naruto Uzumaki; I require your abilities. Are you willing to help?"

"ABSOLUTELY!!" Naruto pumped his fists in the air, "All right, I _finally_ get some action!!"

* * *

**Uh oh, what are Gaara and Naruto up to…? He he he…**

**Anyway, I have a few notes to mention. When Temari was burping because of the eggplant, I can't guarantee this will actually happen if you actually eat raw eggplant. I interpreted a "gassy tummy" (CREDIT: Yahoo! Answers) as either problems with burping or farting; and I didn't want to write about farting. ^^" And I couldn't resist embarrassing Shikamaru a bit, so… and if any of you **_**have**_** had ramen shot out of your nose, you know it hurts. *Flashback***

…**Ahem. And also, Gaara's jutsu is explained as "connecting the optic nerve", so I'd imagine it'd hurt if it was hit by a kunai. But I'm no eye specialist, okay? So please don't make a giant controversy over whether it's possible or not… -___-"**

**But overall, I was pretty pleased with this chapter. It turned out a lot funnier than I intended it to be. **

**The only thing that I didn't like was the one-on-one dialogue. I think it sounds kind of rushed… **

**Thanks for all your support, guys!**


	6. Dessert? What Dessert?

**Chapter 6: Dessert? What Dessert?**

**By: happiness101**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Naruto_. …Or _D. Gray-Man_, for that matter. /Is obsessed with _D. Gray-Man_./

**Um, this came out a little slower than I would've liked, but, um… sorry about that. This is where the chaos starts! But the title is sort of random and doesn't really have anything to do with the main storyline… I just felt like naming it that. I consider this the first chapter of complete insanity!! …Though… I'm still debating on a few details… I know which outcome would be funnier… but… I must consider my own sanity…**

… … …

...**Ah! Sorry… Here's this chapter! Let the fun begin~**

* * *

"...Ah, I see," Naruto nodded his head thoughtfully after Gaara explained his situation. "So you want to cause a little brotherly mischief… Hee hee…" He rubbed his hands together evilly.

"...'Brotherly mischief'…? All I need to do is finish this date." Gaara pointed out.

"Sure, sure, whatever you say Gaara!" Naruto ignored Gaara's previous comment, and leaned toward him, as if telling him a secret. "Now… Since I am so knowledgeable about the female mind, I know the universal weakness of all girls!"

Gaara was a little peeved at how close Naruto was, but decided to bear with it in order to get this crucial piece of information. "…Yes? And what is that?"

"It's…" Naruto made shifty eyes to up the ante, "…jealousy!" He backed away, to see Gaara's expression. To his disappointment, his face remained blank.

"...Jealousy?"

"Yep! If it's one thing that girls hate, it's another girl trying to take her man, believe it!"

"...I see. Do you have a plan of action?"

Naruto was a little taken aback at Gaara's request. "You mean… you really believe me?"

"Well, yes."

"Because of my intellect??"

"... ...You have more experience than me on this matter. Therefore, I will trust you to lead this operation."

Naruto's face lit up and he pumped his fists in his air. "Alright! Just follow my lead!! Here's the plan… Oh, and while you're at it…" He threw a book with a red cover towards Gaara, which was caught in one hand, "…Read this."

He opened it and started to flip through the numerous pages. "What is this?"

"Consider it… your script."

* * *

While Naruto and Gaara were preparing their evil plan in the kitchen, Temari and Shikamaru were chatting happily over their empty ramen bowls.

"...Oh, and I loved it when he used his new weapon after losing his arm!" Shikamaru continued.

"Yeah, that was pretty cool. But I thought the other guy was way cooler… using his hammer like that… oh, what's his name…?"

Shikamaru snapped his fingers in revelation. "Oh, you mean—" Suddenly, he heard what seemed like a yell of triumph from the kitchen. "Hey, did you hear that?"

Temari looked at him blankly. "Hm? I didn't hear anything."

"...Ah… I guess it was just my imagination."

Temari shrugged. "Oh. Well… what _was _his name?"

He stared at her. "What…? Oh! Now I've forgotten…" Temari sighed in exasperation, but didn't scold him. "Well, no new material has been released in a while, and I haven't read it since April."

"I know…! I wish it would update soon… I want to see a relationship grow between that red-headed guy and—"

"Hello."

Both Temari and Shikamaru nearly jumped out of their seats. Before them was Shino Aburame, dressed in a tuxedo like before.

"Sh-Shino? What is this guy doing here?" Temari murmured to Shikamaru.

"Why are you asking me? And besides, you didn't even believe me when I said he _was_ here!"

Shino cleared his throat to interrupt the whispering couple. "If you two are done talking behind my back, I have some things to discuss with Shikamaru Nara."

"Um… Okay… What about, Shino?"

"...I need to speak with you _alone_. Let's take this outside." He turned, and headed for the entrance.

Shikamaru cast a wary glance at Temari, but she just shrugged. He sighed, and followed the mysterious boy out the door.

* * *

"...Okay, you know what to do, right?"

"I believe so."

"And remember; don't say anything without me prompting you! One misstep could result in our compromise!"

"I understand."

"And one last thing… I can't guarantee that I won't dare to do the unthinkable in order to achieve our goal! Because that's the kind of guy I am!!"

"I see. I will follow your lead to the best of my ability."

"And one more thing!"

"Yes?"

"...Can you stop being so… agreeable? It's freaking me out."

* * *

Temari impatiently drummed her fingers on the table. Her date had been outside with that bug boy for almost ten minutes now. _I hope they aren't having a brawl out there,_ She sighed, _That would be just like a guy._ She suddenly stopped her incessant tapping. _No… Shikamaru wouldn't do that. He's different than other guys. He's smarter than that… _She blushed at her thought, and scowled at herself. _I'm such a fool for thinking about him like this…_

She was suddenly snapped out of her reverie by two people walking through the door. She turned, expecting to see Shino accompanying Shikamaru in, but was surprised to see Shikamaru with his fellow teammate, Ino. To her displeasure, Ino let out a girlish giggle at what Shikamaru had just said to her.

Temari hunched behind the bench she was sitting on, only letting her eyes peer over the back. She considered intervening, but decided that it would be an ideal opportunity to test his allegiance to her. Unfortunately, there seemed to be nothing happening except for their light flirting. _In other words, no proof of cheating_. Temari sighed dejectedly. _But it would've been kind of fun nailing him for something like that…_

* * *

Meanwhile, Kankuro and the couple's waiter had reunited in the kitchen.

"Okay," Kankuro sighed anxiously, "They should be done with their dinner by now. Why don't you go pick up their plates?"

"Gotcha!"

"...Good. And once you've done that—"

"I take their order for dessert!"

"Huh? Dessert? What dessert?"

"Oh… You're not serving dessert?"

"Well… I wasn't planning it, but I guess it only makes sense." Kankuro shrugged. He suddenly noticed the quiet air around him, and realized that Naruto was nowhere in sight. "Hey Lee… where's Naruto?"

"Naruto?" He looked around. "Huh. He's disappeared!"

"Well, that can't be good…" Kankuro murmured to himself. "…Come to think of it, Gaara's gone too…" He frowned, and looked back to Lee. "Keep an eye out for Naruto and Gaara, while you're at it. Oh, and any other presence you sense, report to me. I think we've been infiltrated."

"Infiltrated?" Lee looked taken aback. "No way!"

"Well, it's a hunch. Keep your eyes peeled." Kankuro was about to leave, but he felt a hand on his arm. "…Yes, Lee?"

"So… no dessert, right?"

Kankuro sighed. "That's trivial; but if you can think of something to make for dessert, you're welcome to do whatever you want with it."

"...On second thought, dessert makes you fat. They're better off without it." He then scurried off towards Shikamaru and Temari's table.

Kankuro turned back, but stopped dead in his tracks.

"... ...'Dessert makes you fat'…?"

* * *

_What was I thinking?? _Dessert??_ Just how long do I plan on doing this?_ The mysterious ninja sighed. Suddenly, they heard a conversation that was a different dialect heard from Shikamaru and Temari earlier. _This sounds like… flirting?? _They ducked behind a nearby table and peered at the two people talking a few feet from their hiding spot. The intruder could tell one of them was Shikamaru, but couldn't get a good glimpse of the other person. They assumed it was Temari.

"Oh, here's a good one! Do you have a map? Because I got lost in your eyes…"

Shikamaru's companion squealed loudly. "Oh Shika, you're such a card! It's amazing that we've been on the same team for a year now and I haven't even seen this side of you!"

_..."Got lost in your eyes"…? Where the heck is Shikamaru getting this junk?_ 'Lee' thought to himself. Suddenly, the disguised ninja realized what the accompanying girl had said. _A-And that voice… It's too high to be Temari… It kind of sounds like— _They dared to lean a little farther to see past Shikamaru. Their eyes widened at the blonde kunoichi, who was blushing and laughing in a sickeningly innocent way.

"I-Is that… ME?"

* * *

"UGH." Temari sighed for what seemed for the hundredth time that night. "What is Shikamaru doing? These are the worst pick up lines I've heard in my life…" She glanced at Ino's face, which hadn't stopped grinning cutely for the entire exchange. "What does Ino think she's doing? She knows we're on a date… Is she messing with me?" Just then, Ino let out an exceptionally loud squeal. Finally, Temari couldn't take it anymore. She gritted her teeth and muttered, "I'll teach her to mess with my date!"

Suddenly, a flash of black flew by the two, and as if by some twisted chance, Temari was too shocked to prevent what happened next.

Ino's lips met Shikamaru's.

It was only for a moment, but it was enough for Temari.

**

* * *

**

Oh God, everyone run!!!

**Ha ha, just kidding… sort of, you know. ^^ Anyone notice my shameless plug of **_**D. Gray-Man**_**? I told you I was obsessed… And LAVILENA FTW!**

**...Ahem. Anyway, I had fun searching for the perfect pick up line, though I ended up using one that I knew before searching the Internet. Some of these are hilarious!! XD Ah… whoever comes up with these needs to get a life, or something close to it… **

**And now for the part where I criticize myself! Um… I thought Gaara was a little OC, the way he was so submissive to Naruto. But I couldn't really see him disagreeing with everything, either, so… yeah. And my shameless plug was absolutely terrible. DX And I think I used the words "giggle" and "squeal" too much… but I actually liked how this chapter turned out, overall. I re-wrote this a couple of times, because it sounded too short… but I definitely liked this version the best. ^^**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and more to come~ I apologize for my agonizingly long author's note. DX **

...**And I like reviews…**

* * *


	7. The Perfect Plan?

**Chapter 7: The Perfect Plan?**

**By: happiness101**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Naruto_.

…**Um… so, this chapter gets a little weird… Yeah… Please enjoy… **

* * *

It was the perfect plan.

There was no chance that such a stroke of brilliance would fail. Naruto considered it to be the best scheme he had come up with since what was known infamously as the "Monkey Sasuke" Incident that took place a year ago. But of course, that was before Sasuke had left the village, which Naruto quickly pushed to the back of his mind.

It was actually quite simple. All it consisted of was a couple of shadow clones, two guys willing to do anything, and one copy of Make-Out Paradise. Him and Gaara would go out in plain sight and impersonate Shikamaru and Ino, who were both most definitely _not_ in the building. Once Temari caught sight of that, she would surely feel humiliated. After all, she was just like the other girls, right? Gaara would have to throw out a few lame pick-up lanes that were so plentiful in Make-Out Paradise, and all Naruto would have to do is to sit there and look cute, while still keeping the real Shikamaru occupied.

However, things don't always turn out as you expect, as Naruto had discovered on multiple occasions. How was he supposed to know that Ino had come disguised as Lee? How could he have possibly known that she'd catapult herself at him without a second thought? And there was _absolutely no way_ that he could've predicted he'd kiss another boy _again_. And a murderous one, at that!

But now that he was knee-deep, he would need to salvage what was left of his dignity and make a clean getaway.

But how?

* * *

When Ino hit the floor, she looked back up to see Shikamaru and the imposter locking lips. They both quickly broke away. Her imposter hurtled backward, and in a puff of smoke, turned into a certain orange-clad ninja.

"Naruto??" She gritted her teeth in anger.

"Just what the heck do you think you're doing, Gaara??" Naruto gasped, holding a hand to his mouth.

"That wasn't part of your plan?" The Shikamaru impersonator asked.

"HECK NO! I wouldn't _kiss_ you!" Naruto proceeded to spit on the floor. "Ugh… Why can't a girl kiss me for once!!"

_...So that's not Shikamaru either? Gaara… _Suddenly, she remembered the name. _That freak from the Chunin Exams! I'd better avoid him._ So, instead of taking them both down like her original plan, she focused on strangling Naruto. Launching herself at the said blonde ninja, Ino took him down easily. She had him pinned to the floor, when she was suddenly yanked back up from behind. She met face to face with a very angry Temari.

"Uh… T-Temari!" Ino tried to wriggle from Temari's grasp, but it was no use. "L-Listen, this isn't what it looks like!"

"Then how do you explain what you and Shikamaru were just doing?" Temari inquired in a bloodcurdling voice.

"Th-That wasn't me! It was Naruto!"

"Oh, so what you're saying is that it was _Naruto_ that was kissing Shikamaru?? That I mistook _Naruto_ for you while I was standing a few feet away?"

"Listen, it's impossible for me to have been with Shikamaru then, because I was disguised as Lee this whole time!" Ino explained.

"Oh yeah? Then who's that?" Temari nodded at the person behind her.

Ino looked in the indicated direction, and found to her surprise that Lee was standing where Naruto had previously been. He smiled and saluted, "Hey guys!"

Ino narrowed her eyes at him. "I'll get you for this, Naruto…" Unfortunately, Ino was too busy to punch "Lee's" smiling face, even though she so desperately wanted to. Temari was looking at her with a murderous glint in her eyes and had a clenched fist at her side.

"U-Uh, Temari, c-can't we talk about this…?"

* * *

_A few moments earlier…_

Shikamaru followed Shino out of the restaurant, still suspicious of the boy's intentions. He was startled when Shino suddenly turned to face him, and jumped back a few inches. After a long pause, Shino started to speak.

"So… the weather's pretty nice here, huh?"

Shikamaru stared at him in disbelief. "Um… It's a little hot, don't you think?"

"Ah, I guess so. But it's a refreshing change, right?"

"Well, I suppose," Shikamaru replied, though he really thought the opposite. There was another hesitation.

"…So, how's your date going?" Shino wondered.

"It's not. Not while I'm out here wasting time with you!" He crossed his arms in frustration. "Shino, did you _really_ drag me all the way out here to talk about the weather? Surely you must have some ulterior motive?"

"Well… um… it's just that… I wanted to get to know you better."

"…Are you serious?" Shikamaru almost laughed.

"Sure. We didn't really formally meet and I'd like to swap information."

"'Swap information'"? Shikamaru eyed his company suspiciously.

"Yeah! Like I, for instance—" Before Shino could get out his thought, he suddenly vanished in a puff of smoke.

Although any normal person would worry about where Shino had disappeared to, Shikamaru stayed calm and collected… and not to mention a little peeved.

…_And just when I thought it couldn't get any weirder. What a pain! Is this someone's idea of a joke??_ He sighed. _Well, might as well head back._ He turned to leave.

After a while, he had returned the restaurant that Shino had led him away from. But as he approached the entrance, he heard a huge clamor going on inside. He rushed into the building, prepared for a battle.

"Temari! Are you okay?? What's going on?" When he got no response, he surveyed the chaos that was currently going on in the room. He saw Temari and Ino in a catfight on the floor, Lee trying to climb through a window, and pulling him back into the room was… He relaxed his battle stance as he realized what was going on.

"…Is that… ME?"

He raced over to the phony of him and grabbed the back of his shirt. Shikamaru turned him so they could see face to face, and exclaimed, "Hey, just what the heck going on here??"

Before the fake Shikamaru could answer, they both turned toward the kitchen in surprise.

**_SMASH!_**

* * *

**Ahhh! I'm sorry!! Sumisasen!! THIS IS ****NOT**** A GAANARU!!! They're merely friends!! Ino's just not a good aim!!! UWAHHH!!! …I feel guilty… But I'm just going to say that: ****I IN NO WAY SUPPORT ANY YAOI PAIRINGS WHATSOEVER****… HECK, I DON'T EVEN SUPPORT 99.5% OF GAARA PAIRINGS! I just want to make that clear. Naruto's kissed Sasuke before, and it's actually CANON, so I figured this isn't too bad… right? (And I don't support SasuNaru, so there!)**

…**Um, and now that my groveling is over, the thing I didn't like about this chapter was Shikamaru and Shino's conversation. It was rather stupid. DX And I wasn't sure what to talk about… In short, I felt for Shino. But I'm going on vacation for a week, and I'm not sure I'll be able to write in that time, so I'd thought I'd get a chapter in before that. So there you go! Though it may not be as good… XP**

**Hm. I wonder if I should write about the "Monkey Sasuke" incident later… Just what was that, anyway…? /Doesn't even know/**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and please review if you could~**


	8. Congratulations?

**Chapter 8: Congratulations…?**

**By: happiness101**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Naruto._

**Hi everyone~ I got back from my vacation about a week ago, but then I had mini vacations the last week. XD I am super excited that D. Gray-Man is starting up again, and to celebrate, I am finishing this NOW! I promised myself I'd finish this story before summer ends, and I have a week left. I am terrible at keeping up with these things… DX**

**

* * *

**

SMASH!

Choji jumped at the loud noise that erupted from the cabinet. He peered to his side, and saw to his despair that there was a very visible dent in the door. To his further misfortune, Kankuro heard the thunderous sound just as he was leaving the kitchen. He turned back toward the source, and Choji couldn't get his head back down in time.

"Hey you!" Kankuro started to run at the intruder, but suddenly, a fist burst out of the sizeable dent, turning it into a splintering hole.

Kankuro ignored the wriggling fist, and grabbed Choji by the scarf. "Just who do you think you are? You're in a lot of trouble, genin!" Choji raised his arms to block whatever attack Kankuro had planned for him, but was hit in the face by a foot, and flew through the sand wall.

The ninja that had sent him airborne was none other than Rock Lee, who had been previously held captive in a small space crammed with miscellaneous bottles. He had tried one, hoping it would fuel him with enough energy to burst through the thick plank of wood blocking his entrance. Unfortunately, the bottle he grabbed was sake. Although it gave him more then enough strength to burst through the door, it also rendered him completely incapable of rational thought. He looked around the room with bleary eyes, until he came upon something that confused him even more than the chaos going on in the room.

"A…Another me…?" Lee asked himself. He stumbled over to his escaping double and jerked him back inside. He threw the unsuspecting boy at the wall, making yet another dent in the Sand Castle. He grabbed his imposter. "Who are you??" He slurred.

Then, the second Lee converted back into his true form: a blonde, whiskered ninja. He spoke: "L-Lee… what are you doing?? You could have killed me!"

Seemingly unfazed with this fact, he poked the boy painfully in the nose. "Hey, don't play games with me! LET'S FIGHT!" With a drunken cry, he began hammering Naruto. He jumped back, quickly creating more shadow clones. Unfortunately, he had used most of his chakra while helping Gaara, and knew he couldn't last long. They continued to engage in combat, ignoring Choji's unconscious body.

* * *

Kankuro stepped through the large, gaping hole in the wall, and gazed around at the pandemonium occurring in the destroyed restaurant. He was, quite understandably, confused. He considered attacking someone, but couldn't figure out who was friend and foe. He saw the limp body of Choji on the floor, and deducted that Choji's accomplice was still in the building. Scanning the room again, he noticed that there were _two_ Shikamarus. Sure that one of them was the other ninja intruder; he observed from a distance.

* * *

Shikamaru and Gaara (who was currently impersonating Shikamaru) turned to see that the source of the loud outburst was a mysterious green blur that rocketed out of the nearby wall. When the dust settled, they saw it was none other than Rock Lee, and a knocked-out Choji. Shikamaru let go of his double, and started towards Choji. He hauled Choji to his feet, but he quickly sank to the floor.

"Come on, Choji! Why are you here? Snap out of it!" But no matter how much Shikamaru shook his best friend, there was no response; he was out cold.

Meanwhile, Gaara decided the best course of action was to drop his disguise before Temari noticed their plan. Shortly after, Kankuro approached him, with a puzzled look on his face.

"Gaara, what's going on? Why were you Shikamaru for a minute there? And why is Temari fighting with…" He squinted closer at the badly bruised girl currently wrestling his sister, "…Ino?"

"Naruto and I have created a scenario which will utterly ruin Temari's date."

"But Gaara… Didn't we come to insure that Temari's date would go well—?"

"That was the original plan, but I have seen the error in our naïve ways." Gaara turned to his brother, "It would do me well for you not to interfere."

Kankuro looked at his brother, even further perplexed by his brother's motives. But he just sighed, and said, "Fine. But when Temari finds out, it's all on you."

* * *

After a few minutes, all the fights came to their conclusion. Ino, Choji, and Naruto had all been defeated, and were lying unconscious on the floor. Lee was upright for a while after his victory, but abruptly collapsed into an alcohol-induced sleep. Gaara and Kankuro waited by the front door, feigning their first arrival. Shikamaru simply stood in the middle of the floor, utterly confused, and Temari was fuming a little ways off. She briskly stomped toward the unsuspecting Shikamaru, and slapped him in the face.

"Wh-What was that for??" Shikamaru asked, bewildered.

"_That's_ for being with another girl right in front of my eyes! How could you?? I thought… I thought… I don't know what I thought, but I'm definitely not thinking it now!"

"What are you talking about? I wasn't with anyone! Unless you count Shino—"

"Don't be an idiot!" Tears appeared in Temari's eyes, but she quickly looked away. "Just get out."

"…Fine." Shikamaru turned to leave, but turned back one more time to say something. He seemed to think better of it, and just muttered an, "I'm sorry." As he walked through the door, he turned to Temari's brothers, and said in a voice only they could hear:

"Congratulations; you've won."

The two stood frozen, and the only sound was Temari's quiet sniffling and Lee's snoring. After a few moments, Gaara turned and exited the Sand Castle without a word.

* * *

**Yay, the first part of my finale!! I'm so excited! I hope you enjoyed this part… I couldn't resist putting a little Drunken Fist Lee in there… And wow. My serious part really failed. XD It was supposed to be all dramatic and depressing, and it's not. Well, anyway. Let's see what Gaara's thinking, shall we…?**

…**How does Kankuro know Ino? I don't know, maybe they're secretly going out. O///O? Just kidding~ I have no idea.**


	9. Gaara's Guilt

**Chapter 9: Gaara's Guilt**

**By: happiness101**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Naruto._

**The second part of my finale! THE FINAL CHAPTER! :D I'm SOOO glad. Not that I didn't have fun writing this, but you know. I'm looking forward to writing things other than **_**Naruto**_**, for once! ...****I can't believe this intended one-shot turned into a nine-chapter story… -__-"**

* * *

Gaara walked out hesitantly in the night breeze. He wasn't sure what had compelled him to suddenly leave the restaurant, but he knew that he had just _needed_ to. He continued his walk, pondering on what he should do next. Should he go home, or go back to the Sand Castle…? Suddenly, he saw Shikamaru a little ways off on the same swing set he had spent so much time on as a child. Shikamaru was tracing small circles in the sand with his foot, probably not sure of his future destination himself.

Seeing the lonely boy sitting where he had wasted so many years of his life, Gaara felt a pang of… what was it…? Gaara didn't know for sure, but he knew what he had to do to make it go away. He strode toward the swing next to Shikamaru and sat down.

Shikamaru glanced at Gaara, but quickly returned his gaze to the ground. "What do you want? Are you going to flaunt your triumph? Or maybe even 'finish the job'?"

"…No." Gaara didn't really know what to say. So he started with the basics he knew. "I'm… sorry." Shikamaru gave him a startled look, and Gaara continued. "I'm sorry for impersonating you and making my sister mad at you. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time."

Shikamaru stared at the boy sitting next to him, and couldn't believe his sudden change of heart. He was sure there was some sort of trick. "How am I supposed to trust you, after everything you've put me through tonight? It's a little hard to believe that you would apologize just like that."

"I-Is it…?" Gaara sighed. "I'm sorry for that, too. I'm… not good with apologies. I'm not good with any sort of emotions… That's why I'm in this mess, I suppose."

Shikamaru was just about to ask further, but Kankuro and Temari suddenly ran up to them. _Or more like Temari is running and Kankuro is being dragged…_ Shikamaru thought.

"I…I'm sorry, Gaara! I had to tell her!" Kankuro panted.

"Gaara! Just what did you _do_? Is Kankuro correct in saying that you impersonated Shikamaru and controlled that whole thing?" Temari demanded.

"Not everything. Only the part when he was talking to Ino," Gaara explained, "Everything else was all Shikamaru Nara."

"W-Wait! I'm still a bit lost… Just what happened when I was talking with Shino?"

Gaara explained about his plan with Naruto, and how he and Naruto had posed as Shikamaru and Ino, while one of Naruto's shadow clones was disguised as Shino, keeping the real Shikamaru busy.

"…However, the girl Naruto was impersonating was also under disguise, and soon found out our plan. After that, Rock Lee and that other boy appeared."

"But _why_ were Choji and Ino here?" Shikamaru wondered.

"We don't know. Pure coincidence," Kankuro answered.

_They were probably trying to spy on the date, too…_ Shikamaru deducted. He sighed. "Well… I think you two are the craziest people I've met, but I forgive you." Kankuro let out a sigh of relief, and Gaara seemed to somewhat lighten up. Shikamaru turned to Temari. "Now… Shall we finish our date?"

"Just one second." Temari turned to Gaara. "It's just… _Why,_ Gaara? What drove you to try and sabotage my date? I mean, I can even understand your surveillance, but…"

Gaara hesitated before answering, but realized that they were waiting for an answer. "I… I saw that you two were having a good time… And…" He glanced at Shikamaru. He didn't really want to state his reason in front of him, but knew he had to. He mumbled, "I didn't want you to end up like our mother."

Both Kankuro and Temari were taken aback by this, while Shikamaru wasn't sure of what that meant. He looked at Gaara for further explanation, but his face was as blank as can be. Shikamaru didn't think he would get any more information, and decided he didn't want any.

Suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, Temari ran up and gave her brother a hug. He sat on the swing; stiff as the board it was made out of. Kankuro cringed at first, and then smiled and gave a small chuckle once he was sure there wouldn't be any deaths.

"T-Thank you, Gaara… You're a great brother." She let go of him, and looked him in the eyes. She gave him a warm smile. "Mom would be so proud of you."

Gaara really didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything.

Shikamaru was feeling a bit awkward, and was relieved when the silence was broken.

"Hey, what about me??" Kankuro whined.

"Do you want a hug?"

"U-Uh, no, that's okay."

"That's what I thought." But even so, Temari got up and gave Kankuro a hug too.

"Al-Alright, cut it out." Kankuro pushed his sister off. "Now, let's go eat dessert somewhere!"

"Don't you think we should check up on the guys who are currently unconscious at your restaurant first?" Shikamaru added.

They all nodded in agreement, and headed back.

Halfway there, Temari suddenly turned to Shikamaru. "Oh! I almost forgot! Thanks for the date. It's the greatest date I've had in my life." Temari gave him her winning smile, and Shikamaru blushed.

"Aw… look, he's blushing!"

"N-No, I'm not!" But of course, that only made his face go redder, and Kankuro snickered. Temari gave him a look.

"U-Um… Okay, we'll go on ahead! You can catch up later!" Kankuro rushed behind a building, and Gaara followed. Temari and Shikamaru watched the spot for the while, and realized that the brothers weren't intent on moving until they did.

Temari sighed. "Why can't they just leave me alone?" But as she said it, she had a small smirk on her face.

"They're just doing their job as psychotic brothers, I suppose." Shikamaru replied.

"Yeah…" She turned toward him, "But that's okay. Today was worth it."

"R-Really? It was kind of a disaster…"

"But didn't you enjoy it?" Temari wondered.

"…Yeah, I did." He admitted.

There was a sudden hush in the Sand Village. Shikamaru stood there awkwardly. _Um… Should I kiss her now—?_

But as if they could read his mind, Kankuro and Gaara abruptly jumped between the two. "Alright guys, let's go to the Sand Castle together!"

Temari gave her brother an appraising look. "But I thought you were going ahead of us."

"Yeah, but he threatened to kill me!" Kankuro complained, pointing at Gaara.

Shikamaru noticed that Gaara neither confirmed nor denied this.

Temari rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything. They continued toward the Sand Castle.

"Oh! Hey, now all that's left is for Kankuro to hug Gaara, eh?" Shikamaru said, without really thinking about it.

The night seemed to go dead quiet. Shikamaru started to sweat. "I-I mean, sorry, I was just joking—"

"No, it's a good idea!" Temari grinned mischievously. "Come on, Kankuro, give your little brother a hug~!"

"No way."

"Come on!!"

"No!"

"Aw, stop being such a man and hug your brother!!"

"…If he gets anywhere near me, I'll kill him."

Shikamaru started to laugh, but recognized that everyone else was completely silent. "W-Wait… He's not serious…?"

"………"

* * *

**YAYZ~!!!! /Throws confetti/ IT'S DONE!! Did you enjoy the hugging fest? I enjoyed writing the last part! XD But don't you just want to hug Gaara? He's so sad all the time! (Of course, you'd have to figure out how to do that while trying to stay alive. ^^") Um, so, sorry for the quality of the chapters, but I really stink at the introspective/angsty stuff. And it kind of turned into more of a Sand Sibling fic than ShikaTem at the end, but yeah… I had another version where Gaara just TALKED and TALKED and TALKED, and it felt **_**really**_** OOC versus the somewhat OOC-ness of this one, so I like this better.**

**And hey, I finished before school! I accomplished my goal! (Like, three days before school, but still!) Please review; tell me how to write better stories in the future, and what you liked in this one.**

**Until next time; sayonara~!**


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